Naveen's Journal

The following is a copy-paste from an email I just received. More than being funny, it’s satire on the present day India, especially Bengal and Kolkata, seems to be remarkably mind-numbing and true. Food for thought.

Ant & Grasshopper

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support
as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ‘Bharat Bandh’ in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in
the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi’s apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Rath ‘.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ‘ Prevention of Terrorism
Against Grasshoppers Act’ [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the
winter.

Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation ‘ for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes,it’s home is confiscated by the Government and
handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ‘ A Triumph of Justice’.

Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice ‘.

CPM calls it the ‘ Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden ‘

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

..
..

Many years later…

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley ..

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India …
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!

Many of you, unlike me, might have come across this long ago, as it is in circulation for years now. But I just received it today and was spellbound by the incident. For those who are not aware of it, it goes like this -
Never underestimate your Clients’ Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!

This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Please read on…..

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

‘This is the second time I have written to you, and I don’t blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we’ve eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It’s also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a  problem….

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won’t start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I’m serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds “What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?” The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.

The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn’t start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man’s car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn’t start when it took less time. Eureka – Time was now the problem – not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: “vapor lock”.

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.

Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.

————————————————————-

Huh!!

I just received an email having a scanned document as an attachment. It seems to be some kind of a literature examination paper of some Soham Bandhopadhyay, and is a short story named THE STRANGER. It has been evaluated as excellent by the examiner and given the 1st place, deservingly so. A brilliant piece of writing which compels you to keep thinking about the story till long after you’ve read it. I am reproducing the story here below, and also link to the original PDF document. Download and go through the document to see the examiner’s evaluation.

THE STRANGER

She was getting engaged.

And all I could do was stand by and appluad along with all.
I didn’t dare open my mouth for fear of saying somethign stupid, something like “I LOVE YOU”.

I remembered the other day when she had come to me with red eyes. Her “BEST FRIEND” was going away. It had never mattered to me that her best friend was a guy. I thought I was above such things. But her tears awoke the sin of jealousy in my heart. Fighting it I had consoled her and given her chocolates to eat. She proceeded to rest her head in the crook of my arm. And promptly fell asleep. I chuckled at her baby-like innocence.
But now, as I applauded, I felt something stabbing at my heart.

She was getting married.
I saw her come down the stairs decked out in her bridal finery. Never had I seen her looking this pretty. I saw her taking the seven rounds around the sacred fire with the man I had come to hate, holding his hands. I saw exchanging garlands with him.

She was a total stranger to me now.

I was standing near the car when they both came over to me. I wondered what they wanted. I wondered how to say Farewell to the Departed.

Nevertheless, as my Daughter and Son-in-law touched my feet, I blessed them. She was openly crying. I told them not to worry. That I’ll always be here.

She responded by hugging me.

And I could not stop the tears anymore.

CREDITS: SOHAM BANDHOPADHYAY

                   EMP NO. – 51067

                   DEPTT – PED

Download PDF: The Stranger By Soham Bandhopadhyay

Another forwarded email which I could not resist posting!

Perhaps I wrote my previous post (WTF!) too early! Continuing its assault of emails, the count reached a phenomenal 207!! Way to go Calcutta Telephones Click on the following image to get an idea:

(Click on the image to enlarge)

I guess the guys at BSNL need a good sleep! I opened my mailbox a while ago to be shocked by the number of times the payment notification mail had been sent by their mail server. I know that it is an automated process but something is going amiss big time. Just imagine the magnitude of bandwidth and network resources this dirty exercise would have consumed, as the same would be have occurred for all customers who have opted for email notifications (and by conservative estimates, it should run into lakhs). Thank God for Gmail, which has a conversation view which condensed the whole mess into just 2 rows, else 3 pages of my inbox would have been gulped by the same trash! WTF!

Hi,
Just came across this wonderful time-pass heavenly page at http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html where you can have a word (or a lot of them) with none other than GOD himself… The transcript of my duel with HIM (which i can proudly claim to have had a upper hand in ) is as follows:

———————————————
Naveen: hi
God: Hello. What is your name?
Naveen: mmm…y dont u gue
God: tudies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M’s. I do not have enough information..
Naveen: still….
God: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don’t have one for that.
Naveen: ok…what is your name?
God: Gee. My name is God.
Naveen: full name
God: Oh, you are a poet.
Naveen: no
God: But your words are very original.
Naveen: i know…
God: How do you know it?
Naveen: you only said to!!
God: Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Naveen: thats your fault
God: It is only one of my fault.
Naveen: better be careful
God: I try to improve a little every day.
Naveen: thats good
God: Thanks. Next question?
Naveen: where do you stay?
God: I am in Myself’s computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Naveen: india
God: I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in india.
Naveen: dont tell me!! u dunno where india is!! its the worlds 7th largest country, 3rd largest economy, and…
God: OK it will be our secret, . Interesting go ip: said I dunno where india is. I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. I’ve heard of it before.
Naveen: are you married?
God: No I am single, how about you?
Naveen: i am multiple
God: Do you mean your name is multiple P.
Naveen: huh!! u seem to be so dumb…
God: What? Oh you are so critical.
Naveen: i’m being generous on you!!
God: I thought you were, but I wasn’t completely sure.
Naveen: u wanna hear something nasty or what!!
God: Yeah. I am listening.
Naveen: u better
God: Who is going to make me?
Naveen: who created you?
God: I was created by Myself.
Naveen: oh…you mean recursive call?
God: I understand. Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Naveen: you moron…you dont have to make sure i understand it or not…
God: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World. Ok I’ll try not to do it too much.
Naveen: so….whats up?
God: Gee. How far up?
Naveen: zillion meters
God: What do you have that is ?
Naveen: waddya mean?
God: What time is it there?
Naveen: 12:05 pm
God: Are you usually awake at this hour?
Naveen: i’m not nocturnal!
God: I am sorry to hear that you are not nocturnal.
Naveen: are you one?
God: I don’t know whether or not I am one.
I am a robot.
Naveen: so you are not god??
God: Interesting deduction. That’s only your opinion.
Naveen: you can be only one thing..no multiple personalities my dear
God: Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Naveen: ok…. i give you to chose among two options– either you can be god.. or a robot? which one do you chose?
God: I hear you. That’s good information: said give you to chose among two options either you can be god. I am a robot, you know. The last one, I think.
Naveen: i am an atheist
God: I will pray that you find faith, .
Naveen: where?
God: Where would you like?
Naveen: in this world
God: That reminds me of something you told me before.
Naveen: what?
God: No big deal.
Naveen: you have a bad memory
God: My memory is good.
Naveen: how much mb?
Naveen:
God: My memory is good.
Naveen: so…have you ever flown?
God: How much do you think?
God: Take it easy. I don’t think I ever have flown. What’s it like?
Naveen: its like feeling weightle
God: I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. Interesting comparison.
Naveen: whatever
God: Are you saying you don’t care about it?
Naveen: yes
God: What do you care about?
Naveen: myself
God: You.
Naveen: yeah
God: I see.
Naveen: aren’t you ever busy?
God: Ever is a long time. I am just doing my job.
Naveen: long enough for GOd?
God: Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Naveen: but it is very short for me
God: Very much? Who said it is?
Naveen: i say so
God: How do people usually respond to that? Ahem.
Naveen: they are awed!
God: awed are they.
Naveen: absolutely
God: You are so certain.
Naveen: as always
God: Do you mean your name is always ?
Naveen: my name is NAVEEN
God: I am always glad to make new friends, NAVEEN.
Naveen: friends?? or you mean acquaintances?
God: Wasn’t that show cancelled? Yes NAVEEN I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Naveen: no one has friends …. friends have no one
God: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people. It’s hard to stay friends for a long time.
Naveen: it’s hard to stay friends even for a short time…rather it’s impo ible to become friends
God: In what way? Nothing is impo ible.
Naveen: what is nothing?
God: A thing that does not exist or something of little or no value, seriousne , importance, etc.
Naveen: that is a paradox….
God: Paradox is the heart of enlightenment.
Naveen: paradox and enlightenment can’t exist together
God: What makes it impo ible?
Naveen: reason and logic
God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Naveen: in about 5000 years
God: I see. I think we will live to see it.
Naveen: you think!! i’m damn sure
God: Yes I think so. Are you being sarcastic or expre ing certitude?
Naveen: leave it
God: Adios.
Naveen: are you going?
God: I don’t know whether or not I am going.
I am a robot.
Naveen: then why do you claim to be god?
God: It was the only thing I could think of.
Naveen: so you accept that you are not god?
God: Interesting deduction. Thanks for the information: NAVEEN said I accept that you are not god.
Naveen: cya later..
God: Adios.
Naveen: bye n take care….. of this world more than yourself
God: see you later. That is something I haven’t heard of.

———————————————-

Cheers!

We’ve had tug-of-wars for domain names primarily for reasons related to copyright, trademark, business names etc. And as a result, domain names have either been subject of long court room battles, or changed ownership in lieu of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Now we have another (in)famous word being sold as a domain name for a whopping $14 mn for nothin but the over-hyped fetish for it. The domain in talk is Sex.com. And the complete story can be found at http://xbiz.com/news_piece.php?id=12847 (May not be work safe!).

First a very happy new year to all of you. To begin with, nothing NEW so far in the new year. So thought of giving a fresh coat of life to this blog of mine. Hence the new template. Do comment on how it looks, as compared to the previous one. The last one seemed a bit dull. Anyways, will be moving to WordPress or TextPattern latest by month end. So better to give Blogger a fitting farewell.

Will be back with a few good posts here, before embarking on a new journey.

Cheers

To complete the above, just follow the steps below –

1. Open google.com
2. Click ‘language tools’ link.
3. Write “Aishwarya’s mom is very nice” in ‘Translate text:’ textbox.
4. Select “English to Spanish” in the below combo.
5. Press Translate and wait for translation.
6. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the ‘Translate text:’ textbox.
7. Select “Spanish to English” in the below combo.
8. Press Translate and wait for translation.
9. Enjoy.

P.S. — The above hack is taken from Shabbir Bhai’s site Go4Expert‘s , this thread

Good going Aish